"You should come over later on. When my dad is gone. And let me break you off. Ma, you bad as hell. I can tell just by the way you carry yourself, you know what to do with "it". And ya body, ya body is crazy. I fantasize all the time about all the things I could do to it. And you know, we can stop if you want, but I know you wouldn't want to. Girl, the things I would do to you...if you just let me."
...An approach I'm way to familiar with. And I know some of you have heard something along these lines repeated to you before. It's always that dude at work that been watching you for the past couple of weeks, the boy that sits farrrrrr across from you in the student lounge, or the nigga you walk past everyday when heading to the train station. Little is known about him but he definitely knows a lot about you.
I've never been turned on by that pitch. To be desired sexually? That has never phased me or made me feel even a little flattered. Sexual advances are offensive. To know that you want me in the worst way will get you as far as someone trying to rape me. I never found anything attractive about a guy who clearly states that the only interest he has in me is purely sexual. Sure, the honesty is appreciated. But any woman like myself who has class, self respect, and a high level of dignity would not find that a dude that just wants to bang her because she is incredibly hot in anyway, enticing. Well, when I put it like that, it sounds appealing. But ya know what I mean. Arent we more than just a piece of meat? Can't any girl (literally) get fucked? What differentiates my "bad" ass from the next chick who isn't so "bad" that you said those very same lines to?
Nothing at all. Sex is sex. Anyone can get fucked. Try and masturbate her mind. And if you really not interested in anything more than just sex, theres plenty of hoes in the world that will give it up way faster and get you off. Hit me up, I know a few.
But you wanna know what's sexy? When we can sit down and have a real conversation about real shit. You get to know my mind, and I get to know yours. When a guy is curious about whats underneath your skin, not what's underneath your clothes. When he tells you to come over, his dad stepped out, and he wants to make you dinner. And when he texts you because he wants to hear from you, not because he's horny and wants you to send him a "nekkid" pic. Someone who tries to get to know my mind and not so quick to know my spot. Now that right there, is a panty droppa.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
My Toast.
Lets have a toast to,
Me..
To you...
To us...
To all the reals...
Definitely the fakes...
The people that didnt make it with me to 2011...
The constants in my life since 02'...
A toast to,
The people who call themselves real...
The pity-whores who blame their mistakes on us...
The people who always get fucked over...
To the exes who dont know what they want...
The back-boneless people...
The users...
The snitches...
The know-it-alls that write blogs like they shit dont stink......lol.
Another toast to...
The cheaters that got caught and still keep doing it...
To the people who steal my ideas and put their name on it...
To the bird ass niggas...
To the ignorant...
To the one sided people...
The jealous ones...
The pretenders....
The fronters...
A special toast to...
My full-time friends...
My mentors...
My family...
My supporters...
And anyone who doesn't knock my hustle.
But my glass goes the HIGHEST to...
The people that never heard me out, or wanted to listen to my part...
Who've used me...
Wasted my time...
The ones I've always supported but never support me...
To the ppl who envy everything I've worked so hard for...
To the ppl who feel I dnt deserve greatness...
To those who write blogs, statuses, and tweets about me but cant say it to my face...
To those who bash and boycott my blog...
To those who copt the plea when I confront them...
To those who play two-sides...
To those who try to judge me for my crimes when WE ALL are criminals...
To those who read this and get offended...
This toast is for you. Cheers.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Different Types Of Hubbies
Theeeee Hubby:
He is thee man. He's on your profile pic, your phone screensaver, and he's constantly spoken about. Spoken about so much, your boss and your professor knows his name. He goes all out on birthdays, valentines day, and xmas. He's the provider, he's the one when you need help with that phone bill he got you. Everyone's always asking when you guys are going to get married or have a baby. For the most part, he takes care of business in all aspects of the relationship. And he's the only one that can show up to your crib and act crazy and your parents will forgive him and/or take his side.
Can't-Seem-To-Dump-Him-Hubby:
Keeping him around is the wrong thing to do. But you can't seem to let him go. Too much time invested, great sex, too involved, maybe a kid is included, its just someone you cant get out of your system. No matter how fucked up he is and how much you and the whole world knows you need to send him packing, you just have too much feelings to give him his walking papers. At one point this type of hubby was "Thee Hubby" which is the major reason why its so hard to tell him deuces.
Good For Nothing Hubby:
This hubby aint shit. He dont work, he dont hustle, he doesn't do SHIT. His dick is great tho. And you probably only feel comfortable sexing him. But he's a bum ass to the nth degree. No ambitions, no goals, no prospects. A straight loser. Uses you for all your money, hangs out off your expense, and still has the audacity to fuck other females. He's the type of hubby that wants someone to take care of him. In that case, he needs his mother, not a wifey.
Trophy Hubby:
Not only is he eye candy, he's successful. He has street credibility and everywhere he goes he's giving someone a pound. Again, he's definietely on the scene which makes it hard to trust him. Hence why you might not have your deepest feelings attached to him. But your still proud to be in his presence and have him as your hubby. This too is the type of guy you gotta watch your girlfriends around because that's how marketable he is. Everything with him is grandiose and with trophy hubbies its YOUR responsibility to match his fly.
You'll Always Be My Hubby, Hubby:
No matter what, this is the type of guy that never loses his position. Not sure what it is about this dude but under all circumstances, he's the one that you keep coming back to. You two can separate for 2 days, 2 weeks. 2 months, and get back together like nothing happened. But for some reason, the two of you can't seem to keep a good thing going. It's not that he's a bad guy and its not that your a bad woman at all. It's just one of those things. You can be with the next man and as soon as "You'll always be my hubby, hubby" returns, he shuts shit down. The current guy is pushed to the side and its a done deal.
He is thee man. He's on your profile pic, your phone screensaver, and he's constantly spoken about. Spoken about so much, your boss and your professor knows his name. He goes all out on birthdays, valentines day, and xmas. He's the provider, he's the one when you need help with that phone bill he got you. Everyone's always asking when you guys are going to get married or have a baby. For the most part, he takes care of business in all aspects of the relationship. And he's the only one that can show up to your crib and act crazy and your parents will forgive him and/or take his side.
Can't-Seem-To-Dump-Him-Hubby:
Keeping him around is the wrong thing to do. But you can't seem to let him go. Too much time invested, great sex, too involved, maybe a kid is included, its just someone you cant get out of your system. No matter how fucked up he is and how much you and the whole world knows you need to send him packing, you just have too much feelings to give him his walking papers. At one point this type of hubby was "Thee Hubby" which is the major reason why its so hard to tell him deuces.
Good For Nothing Hubby:
This hubby aint shit. He dont work, he dont hustle, he doesn't do SHIT. His dick is great tho. And you probably only feel comfortable sexing him. But he's a bum ass to the nth degree. No ambitions, no goals, no prospects. A straight loser. Uses you for all your money, hangs out off your expense, and still has the audacity to fuck other females. He's the type of hubby that wants someone to take care of him. In that case, he needs his mother, not a wifey.
Trophy Hubby:
Not only is he eye candy, he's successful. He has street credibility and everywhere he goes he's giving someone a pound. Again, he's definietely on the scene which makes it hard to trust him. Hence why you might not have your deepest feelings attached to him. But your still proud to be in his presence and have him as your hubby. This too is the type of guy you gotta watch your girlfriends around because that's how marketable he is. Everything with him is grandiose and with trophy hubbies its YOUR responsibility to match his fly.
You'll Always Be My Hubby, Hubby:
No matter what, this is the type of guy that never loses his position. Not sure what it is about this dude but under all circumstances, he's the one that you keep coming back to. You two can separate for 2 days, 2 weeks. 2 months, and get back together like nothing happened. But for some reason, the two of you can't seem to keep a good thing going. It's not that he's a bad guy and its not that your a bad woman at all. It's just one of those things. You can be with the next man and as soon as "You'll always be my hubby, hubby" returns, he shuts shit down. The current guy is pushed to the side and its a done deal.
Different Types of Wifey's
The Official Wifey:
She is undoubtfully wifey. She holds some type of ring (promise, engagement or band) but not necessarily has to. She is literally the only one with the title. She does it all, knows the entire family even the distant cousins that come around every 3 years. She has all the keys and security codes. You can drop a G in her hand and tell her to deposit it in the bank and the whole G will make it...not $999.00. Far or right next to her, she holds you down. And she's the one everybody remembers.
I-Dont-Know-Why-You-Still-Got-The-Title-Wifey:
She's a slut. She's a hoe. She's freak. She was either always like that or the whore in her slowly crept out. Either way, she shouldn't have the title anymore. She's never around and when she is all you can think about is when her ass is leaving. Ya'll always argue. She's annoying and doesn't do the things she used to. She's probably still in the picture because the sex is good. Maybe. She doesn't do anything expected of a wifey. This type of wifey usually gets demoted or dumped when something better comes along.
The Trophy Wifey:
She's wifey because she looks very good on his arm. And she's a freak. Other than that, this chick can't cook, dont clean, and parties all the time. When she walks down the block there's always someone she saying what up to because everybody knows her! She's definitely on the scene which makes her hard to trust and in return, the guy feels insecure at times. She's the type of wifey you gotta watch ya boys around because they will try to get at her behind your back. Trophy wifeys arent cheap. She's extremely spoiled. Money is part of the reason why she shines. Nails did, hair did, everything did..! You don't treat her right, your ass is getting replaced.
The Programmed Wifey:
The most loyal of all the wifeys. She is truly, a ride or die. Tell that girl anything, ANYTHING, and she will believe it. Tell her there's a cow jumping over the moon and guess what? She will believe that shit. This type of wifey will hold you down no matter how dumb you have her looking. She's the perfect wifey for the deceitful guy; the clumsy nigga that's always getting caught because he has her set up in such a way that she believes that her own eyes and ears are liars. She's definitely in denial but she rather live in his world, then live without him in hers. She's definitely down for the count.
The Wifey By Default:
The girl that only became wifey because she had a kid by him or she was the jump-off that wasn't suppose to make it to the second night but he so happeneded to catch feelings for her. No girl wants to be wifey by default. It's like getting a position that wasn't suppose to be for you. Wifey by default is usually someone who he is not proud of. He doesn't show her off and when people do discover that's wifey, he normally feels embarrassment. She eventually becomes accepted or loses her title.
Notes from the author: For entertainment puposes only.
She is undoubtfully wifey. She holds some type of ring (promise, engagement or band) but not necessarily has to. She is literally the only one with the title. She does it all, knows the entire family even the distant cousins that come around every 3 years. She has all the keys and security codes. You can drop a G in her hand and tell her to deposit it in the bank and the whole G will make it...not $999.00. Far or right next to her, she holds you down. And she's the one everybody remembers.
I-Dont-Know-Why-You-Still-Got-The-Title-Wifey:
She's a slut. She's a hoe. She's freak. She was either always like that or the whore in her slowly crept out. Either way, she shouldn't have the title anymore. She's never around and when she is all you can think about is when her ass is leaving. Ya'll always argue. She's annoying and doesn't do the things she used to. She's probably still in the picture because the sex is good. Maybe. She doesn't do anything expected of a wifey. This type of wifey usually gets demoted or dumped when something better comes along.
The Trophy Wifey:
She's wifey because she looks very good on his arm. And she's a freak. Other than that, this chick can't cook, dont clean, and parties all the time. When she walks down the block there's always someone she saying what up to because everybody knows her! She's definitely on the scene which makes her hard to trust and in return, the guy feels insecure at times. She's the type of wifey you gotta watch ya boys around because they will try to get at her behind your back. Trophy wifeys arent cheap. She's extremely spoiled. Money is part of the reason why she shines. Nails did, hair did, everything did..! You don't treat her right, your ass is getting replaced.
The Programmed Wifey:
The most loyal of all the wifeys. She is truly, a ride or die. Tell that girl anything, ANYTHING, and she will believe it. Tell her there's a cow jumping over the moon and guess what? She will believe that shit. This type of wifey will hold you down no matter how dumb you have her looking. She's the perfect wifey for the deceitful guy; the clumsy nigga that's always getting caught because he has her set up in such a way that she believes that her own eyes and ears are liars. She's definitely in denial but she rather live in his world, then live without him in hers. She's definitely down for the count.
The Wifey By Default:
The girl that only became wifey because she had a kid by him or she was the jump-off that wasn't suppose to make it to the second night but he so happeneded to catch feelings for her. No girl wants to be wifey by default. It's like getting a position that wasn't suppose to be for you. Wifey by default is usually someone who he is not proud of. He doesn't show her off and when people do discover that's wifey, he normally feels embarrassment. She eventually becomes accepted or loses her title.
Notes from the author: For entertainment puposes only.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Men: The More Considerate Sex?
Sometimes I'm disappointed to call myself a female. Not because I'm self hating or anything. I love me some of myself. However, I hate how some of us are misrepresented by a few rotten apples.
I find it easier to get along with a guy. And I'm not talking about just any ol' guy. I'm talking about the real men, the ones that don't have "bitch" tendencies. I mean, female persona.
My circle is so tiny its almost like a triangle...Just sitting back and observing some of you woman has disgusted me and has caused me to question the mind set of some of you. With a guy, I pretty much always know what to expect.
I just got in touch with an old classmate of mines from a couple of years ago. I remember we had a group project to do and we almost didnt complete it on time because we never seem to have the time to work on it out of class. We both worked and the only time we had was after work (which was usually around 10pm). Even then, we never got the chance to work on it. I would ask him why he didnt call me to discuss the project. He would always tell me that he aint want no problems with my man. I used to tell him it was okay if he called because it was about the project. He refused. I always thought that was so respectful of him that he would jeopardise our project grade just to have respect for my man and my relationship. Although some of you feel that there aren't many guys out there like that, there are more dudes that are more respectful about another womans relationship than a female.
No matter what time it is, a chick could know a guys entire situation and would still push the boundaries. And I refuse to make excuses for my own gender. Some women just dont have that kind of respect for a guy and his situation. And some, do it on purpose, just to make the girlfriend or wife feel uncomfortable. Moral of the story, bitches aint shit. They will call, text, at the most UNAPPROPRIATE times and not feel any way about it. And its always something "important" that it couldn't wait until a more decent time. I hardly ever hear a chick say "You, know what, I'll get at you tomorrow, I dont want no beef or cause you any drama with your girl." That's just a rare statement. But let it be the other way around. Try calling or texting a girl at 12:13am while she with her man. A chick will tell you in a second that its too late to be hitting her up because her man is home. But guys hesitate because they don't want to "offend" or hurt the feelings of their female friends. My point being, guys (well, the decent ones) are more considerate when it comes to these scenarios because they know they wouldnt want a dude hitting up their girl or wife for anything no matter what it is after a certain time. Females, ya quick to roll your eyes and suck your teeth when you finally get a man of your own and some chick is texting/calling your guy when in all actuality, you were once that chick that used to do that to another woman's man. Don't think about it. Just let it marinate.
-Lazaguncarrier.
I find it easier to get along with a guy. And I'm not talking about just any ol' guy. I'm talking about the real men, the ones that don't have "bitch" tendencies. I mean, female persona.
My circle is so tiny its almost like a triangle...Just sitting back and observing some of you woman has disgusted me and has caused me to question the mind set of some of you. With a guy, I pretty much always know what to expect.
I just got in touch with an old classmate of mines from a couple of years ago. I remember we had a group project to do and we almost didnt complete it on time because we never seem to have the time to work on it out of class. We both worked and the only time we had was after work (which was usually around 10pm). Even then, we never got the chance to work on it. I would ask him why he didnt call me to discuss the project. He would always tell me that he aint want no problems with my man. I used to tell him it was okay if he called because it was about the project. He refused. I always thought that was so respectful of him that he would jeopardise our project grade just to have respect for my man and my relationship. Although some of you feel that there aren't many guys out there like that, there are more dudes that are more respectful about another womans relationship than a female.
No matter what time it is, a chick could know a guys entire situation and would still push the boundaries. And I refuse to make excuses for my own gender. Some women just dont have that kind of respect for a guy and his situation. And some, do it on purpose, just to make the girlfriend or wife feel uncomfortable. Moral of the story, bitches aint shit. They will call, text, at the most UNAPPROPRIATE times and not feel any way about it. And its always something "important" that it couldn't wait until a more decent time. I hardly ever hear a chick say "You, know what, I'll get at you tomorrow, I dont want no beef or cause you any drama with your girl." That's just a rare statement. But let it be the other way around. Try calling or texting a girl at 12:13am while she with her man. A chick will tell you in a second that its too late to be hitting her up because her man is home. But guys hesitate because they don't want to "offend" or hurt the feelings of their female friends. My point being, guys (well, the decent ones) are more considerate when it comes to these scenarios because they know they wouldnt want a dude hitting up their girl or wife for anything no matter what it is after a certain time. Females, ya quick to roll your eyes and suck your teeth when you finally get a man of your own and some chick is texting/calling your guy when in all actuality, you were once that chick that used to do that to another woman's man. Don't think about it. Just let it marinate.
-Lazaguncarrier.
Monday, January 10, 2011
31 Things No One Ever Tells You Before Entering A Relationship.
1. It never ends how it starts.
2. You WILL cry.
3. Your feelings will get hurt.
4. You will fight and argue.
5. You will not like all of his/her friends.
6. Not every family member will accept you.
7. You will not always like the person.
8. There will always be someone trying to ruin what you have.
9. There will be moments of infidelity or something close to it.
10. You will lose a couple of friends because of him/her.
11. Some of you might even lose yourselves...
12. You will change. For better or for worst.
13. Doubt will appear every so often.
14. You will at some point feel the need to exit.
15. Money at some point, will be a topic of argument.
16. Relationships are double-standard. Do as I say, not as I do are words to remember.
17. No one likes a dose of their own medicine.
18. It's easy to get involved, but hard to leave.
19. There convenient. But make you too comfortable.
20. Sometimes they don't make sense.
21. Be prepared to share. Everything.
22. Don't do unforgettable things. Because they really are, unforgettable.
23. Sometimes its meant, sometimes its not, and sometimes you really have to work at it.
24. If that person is doing wrong, there will always be that one person that tried to give you clues you just ignored.
25. Wasting their time is just like wasting your own.
26. You will not do everything that person is gonna like. Your not suppose to.
27. One minute you're yelling, Next minute you're kissing. It can be like that sometimes.
28. Love and lust are easily confused.
29. They move VERY, VERY fast.
30. The bad ones always take a long time to end.
31. You find yourself wishing things were how they used to be.
And sometimes,
You really do...
Get that old thing back.
23. Sometimes its meant, sometimes its not, and sometimes you really have to work at it.
24. If that person is doing wrong, there will always be that one person that tried to give you clues you just ignored.
25. Wasting their time is just like wasting your own.
26. You will not do everything that person is gonna like. Your not suppose to.
27. One minute you're yelling, Next minute you're kissing. It can be like that sometimes.
28. Love and lust are easily confused.
29. They move VERY, VERY fast.
30. The bad ones always take a long time to end.
31. You find yourself wishing things were how they used to be.
And sometimes,
You really do...
Get that old thing back.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
No Tasting, No Dating...(Oral Sex: The New Requirement.)
So the new thing I'm hearing now is that if you aint giving up the lips then you gotta dip. Ya hear that non-head givers? You aint dateable if you aint down with giving some top. What will they come up with next? Forget about whether that person has children, stds, has a job,or an education...no, those are no longer requirements for dating someone. The new requirements are...
"Does that ni99a or b1+ch give head?!"
Since when has oral sex been a requirement for a relationship? Just because a person doesn't give head they aren't worthy of anything else? They might be the best guy/girl you may every meet but because they wont get their lips wet they are automatically ruled out??? Don't get me wrong, there are ppl that wont go down or let their mate go down on them simply because they think its wrong or degrading to their partner. But the ppl that enforce this rule, ya know who ya are. Do you really want a person thats all willy nilly with sucking or licking you from the get-go? I mean think bout it. You meet someone, you're getting to know them and you ask them do they give head and they answer "yea". Wouldn't you be curious to know how many ppl they went down on? I mean as long as their clean it shouldnt matter but.....lets say they went down on every person they slept with, and lets say thats 6 ppl...(realistically, the body count is usually wayyyy more) so in theory, wouldnt that mean a dude kissed a girl that sucked 6 dicks which means he kissed 6 dicks? (Theoretically). And lets not forget to mention if she swallows. Or for a chick, if the guy ate out all 6 sex partners wouldnt that mean you kissed 6 couchies??? I mean I'm just saying lets not crucify the people who arent #team-oral. Its one thing to say that sex can make or break a relationship but oral sex? But for some of you, oral sex is the only thing...like life without head is tragedy. It really shouldn't have a reflection on whether or not to date that person. But to each its own. Preferably, I like to get sticked rather than licked. It feels better ;).
SIDE BAR! Im forgetting to mention the ppl out there who want others to go down on them but dont want to reciprocate? You wont date a girl because she dont give head but even if that was the case, you dont plan to do the same anyway? Who the hell are you to tell someone that yeah, its alright if you put your lips on me but its disgusting for me to return the favor? Mainly guys say this because they feel that its wayy nastier to eat a girl out than for her to suck his dick. Both require the exchange of fluids so I don't understand how one is more disgusting than the other. Who the hell makes these rules anyway?
-Lazaguncarrier.
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