The "Light-Skinned, Long Haired Girl" Complex (My First College Paper to Make My Blog)

My professor asked my class to write a paper on how we define ourselves (or how others define us) and explain the problems we face with our identity.

School: Wood Tobe-Coburn College

Semester: Fall 2010

Grade: A-

When people see me, I'm often judged before I even open my mouth. A light-skinned black girl with long REAL hair, yeah, that's me. One of two assumptions is usually made: 1)I'm soft, or 2)Im stuck-up. Well I'm glad to say that I'm neither! There's not a stuck up bone in my body and I'm far from a softy. But only the person who took the time out to get to know me would know that I'm the opposite of what many would believe about that kind of girl. Make no mistake, the cocky light-skinned girl and the punk ass light-skinned girl does exist, but they are not as common as most think. Because of the bad rep light-skinned girls have, I'm almost always defending my identity.

Up until...today, people ask me am I mixed. I'm part Filipino along with some other things. However, I still consider myself a black woman. Anytime someone sees a light-skinned girl with long hair they automatically think that they are mixed. Even though there are plenty of light-skinned (and dark-skinned) black females that aren't mixed like I am and have beautiful long hair. This is one of many misconceptions made about the light-skinned girl. That we are all mixed with some other nationality.

Growing up, I remember at some point I wanted to be dark-skinned. Going to school in the Bronx was fine because majority of the kids were hispanic so my features helped me "blend" in. When I first moved to Brooklyn I was six. I was entering this classroom and I was the only one of my "kind". When you're a shy six year-old in a new class, thats the last thing you want to be: "rare", or uncommon. My shy and quiet personality plus my looks made me a target for trouble. I spent half my time in elementary school proving that under all my hair and my complexion, I'm a tough cookie. I always thought that if I were dark skinned I wouldn't have to go so hard to stand up for myself. Every time I switched schools, the same things would occur. The boys would love me, and the girls would be jealous. As I got older and I slowly came out of my shyness, people's theories about me began to change. Great! I went from having to prove to people that I'm not this punk, naive, innocent girl to I'm not some kind of snob that walks around thinking she's the shit. Now a days, people assume either about me or both. Most of the people who assume those things are always wrong and when they get to know me, are in shock. I'm a cool, humble, and tough chick.

Why do people have these assumptions about light-skinned girls? That's a million dollar question that you would have to ask the person that's in charge of judging. As far as other women thinking that we think we are better or "most-preferred" I blame that on the dark skinned man. How often do you see a dark skinned man and a dark skinned girl together? Not often. And how often do you see a dark-skinned man and a light-skinned woman? Very often. I hear men; especially dark-skinned men talk about how they prefer a light-skinned girl or sometimes they dont even want a shorty to be black and light-skinned! You would think it was some type of secret that makes us more special than the other women. I hardly hear a guy talk profoundly about a dark-skinned girl. I never understood that. If there is a light-skinned cute girl standing next to a dark-skinned cute girl, majority of the time the guy chooses the light skin girl. I hate that. To me, its no difference. Beauty is beauty. This is why there's so much tension between the two complexions. Because certain men make it seem as though one is better than the other. If you want to go deeper, lets take it back to slavery, when the master used to rape the female slaves. The female slaves would get pregnant and have light-skin kids, causing issues between the two. It's not easy being light skin, and its not easy being dark-skin. We both face situations where we are forced to prove someone right or wrong. I don't know for certain. Im just theorizing here.

My looks are only a segment of who I am. Neither my complexion nor hair defines me. I define my physical appearance. There is so much more to my identity that just what is on the exterior. My personality, my intellect, my demeanor, those are the qualities that represent me. I'm strong and confident not because of how I look but because of my perception of life. The next time you see a light-skinned girl, do me a favor, and let her tell you who she is, don't try to figure it out.

The Power of a Label. (Owning up to a "Username")

Dating back to when AIM first became popular, I could remember all the crazy ass screenames I used to see. Names like Diva981and Don123, I remember thinking to myself, "hey, I know these people in person, and they are most certainly not divas or dons. But if you had their AIM Screename and didnt know them personally, you would really think they were some motherfukking dons and divas. Lol. But that was long ago. Now, people are calling themselves all type of shit, some I believe dont even know the TRUE meaning of what they call themselves. Yea, I know, it's just "Twitter", "Facebook", "MySpace"...etc. But when you try to live up to a label, it becomes more than just that. And what's even more sillier than trying to live up to a label is giving other people a label. Labels like "Bum", "Basic", "Lame", etc... are thrown around frequently to the person they dislike or dont even know. Like, who the fuck are YOU to call someone 'basic" or "lame"? So what are you? "Un-basic", and "un-lame"? Ya kill me with that shit. And majority of the time. And im dead ass, cause I be on this social networking ish hard,8 outta 10 of who call others these labels, fall into the category of lame or basic. Can't tell them that though. Because PrettyPoppin917 is pretty and fucking poppin and has every right to call Cutegirl516 a basic bitch. Smh. And I dont have a conclusion or a point I'm trying to draw. I'll leave that up to you, the reader. Some of ya thinking I'm going in because someone called me "basic" or "lame". Ha. No. Just an early morning blog written from the top of my head. And again, If you are offended by this blog, then you're probably that basic bitch that thinks she is "Oso Poppin", or that bum dude that is "GucciDown"...(shrugs shoulders). See me, Im just the Lazaguncarrier.

Identifying The Non-Pulling Out Nigga. (Yupp!)

Morning. :)

So I realized this isn't a subject I've touched on yet. But its most certainly an issue.

What is a non-pulling out nigga?

Lets first describe what a pulling out nigga is:

A pulling out nigga is a dude that has unprotected sex with a girl and relies on his "timing' to pull out before he ejaculates inside her to avoid pregnancy.

A non-pulling out nigga is a dude that has unprotected sex with a girl and TRIES BUT FAILS/OR DOESNT CARE to pull out on time before he ejaculates.

Classifying the non-pullion out nigga:

They come in all shapes and sizes, colors and creeds.
You cant tell if he's a non-pulling out nigga just by looking at him.

Things you should know about this type of person:

There are two types: There are the ones that try to pull out but lack control and then there are dudes that dont try at all and dont care about pulling out. This type is very dangerous.

7 outta 10 times the non-pulling out nigga doesnt even want children.

The mentality of that 7 expects you to have an abortion or isn't trying to deal with you if you are keeping it. Real talk.

How to avoid the consequences of a non-pulling out nigga:

-->Condoms.
-->Learn from prior mistakes.
-->Plan B (Morning After Pill)
-->Birth Control

Please, protect yourself from the non-pulling out nigga.

8 Mistakes Guy's Make When "Baggin" a Girl. (Cuffin Season Part 2)

Cuffing season has begun and still, some of you haven't cuffed anything yet and it isn't by choice. Hmmm. Well below, I've highlighted some of the reasons why that may be. Its ok. You still have time to correct your wrongs and still get your cuffing buddy to avoid those long lonely winter nights...

1. You dudes never check ol' girls finger for promise, engagement, or wedding rings. Are you dead ass going to pursue a chick that is involved with someone else?

2. Are you SURE this is the girl you want to bag??? Some of you see the chick one time and try to holla. Approach with care. Even if you dont want to "wife it". It should be someone you've seen at least 3 times.

3. Come correct. Make sure your breath on point, you dont look crusty and ashy, and be well groomed. In other words, be un-deniable.

4.Some of you dudes aint got no G! Where are your G lines? Where are you going without GAME! Dont listen to what other people say, being yourself never works. LOL. J/K. But for real, you gotta have some charm and charisma when trying to bag a girl.

5.If she says she has a man, or tells you for any other reason why she isn't interested, keep it moving! Cuffing season has begun no time to waste if she aint with it so just move it along. Dont proceed to bag a female if she tell you she's TAKEN! We hate that shit. It also gives off the impression that you're so desperate that you cant find someone else who isn't taken.

6. Ok, so you've made it as far as getting her attention and dont know what to do with it. Ask for her number, duh. Not her bbm, not her twitter, not her aim...her number.

7.When we give you the number, dont front or act thirsty! Dont be OD blowing up her phone or stunting like you aint trying to make it happen. Many guys never make it past getting the number...

8. Another mistake made after retrieving the number is some of ya niggas be on some real bum shit! Trying to not spend money and telling her to come over to your house instead of taking her out on a date. Dont invite her in, invite her out! Saying shit like "oh we can have movie night at my crib." No fuck outta here I dont know you like that. I wanna watch a movie in a fucking movie theather just incase I aint feeling you I can say I went to the bathroom and hop in a cab. Im just saying...

Follow this and you should be hand in hand, lip to lip, hip to hip, pelvic to pelvic with the cuffing buddy of your dreams...until April that is.... ;)

A Letter to My Dad. (For Every Little Girl Who Grew Up Without Their Father.)

To the other 50% of why I exist,

So many years have passed but you keep telling me its never too late. It may never be too late to build a future but it might just be too late to change the past. Who knows the person I would have been if you were their when I was growing up. Your absence wasnt your fault (i'll blame the other 50% of my existence for that). I may wonder but I will never wish for it to have been any different. For I am proud of the person I am today and its all because of who I was yesterday. Yesterday I was a little girl who wanted her dad to teach her how to ride a bike or throw a punch. Ive learned all those things just not from you. "How would you know the type of man you want if you dont know your father?" I may not have known you well but that hasn't had an effect on my male preferences. I have not made the best selections in men but my not-so-great choices have taught me what I dont want in a guy, what to expect, and what to not allow. My mistakes have showed me to recognize a bad man when I see one, to appreciate a good one if we ever meet, and to be patient with a guy thats willing to change whats worst to better. I treat every guy accordingly. You probably coulda taught me that a little sooner than I had to learn though, but I doubt if I would have listened, your daughter is slightly hard-headed. But the best lesson is learned by actually taking the class.
But my teacher was late.
You've finally arrived.
And class is still in session...So teach me.



Love,



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