The "Light-Skinned, Long Haired Girl" Complex (My First College Paper to Make My Blog)

My professor asked my class to write a paper on how we define ourselves (or how others define us) and explain the problems we face with our identity.

School: Wood Tobe-Coburn College

Semester: Fall 2010

Grade: A-

When people see me, I'm often judged before I even open my mouth. A light-skinned black girl with long REAL hair, yeah, that's me. One of two assumptions is usually made: 1)I'm soft, or 2)Im stuck-up. Well I'm glad to say that I'm neither! There's not a stuck up bone in my body and I'm far from a softy. But only the person who took the time out to get to know me would know that I'm the opposite of what many would believe about that kind of girl. Make no mistake, the cocky light-skinned girl and the punk ass light-skinned girl does exist, but they are not as common as most think. Because of the bad rep light-skinned girls have, I'm almost always defending my identity.

Up until...today, people ask me am I mixed. I'm part Filipino along with some other things. However, I still consider myself a black woman. Anytime someone sees a light-skinned girl with long hair they automatically think that they are mixed. Even though there are plenty of light-skinned (and dark-skinned) black females that aren't mixed like I am and have beautiful long hair. This is one of many misconceptions made about the light-skinned girl. That we are all mixed with some other nationality.

Growing up, I remember at some point I wanted to be dark-skinned. Going to school in the Bronx was fine because majority of the kids were hispanic so my features helped me "blend" in. When I first moved to Brooklyn I was six. I was entering this classroom and I was the only one of my "kind". When you're a shy six year-old in a new class, thats the last thing you want to be: "rare", or uncommon. My shy and quiet personality plus my looks made me a target for trouble. I spent half my time in elementary school proving that under all my hair and my complexion, I'm a tough cookie. I always thought that if I were dark skinned I wouldn't have to go so hard to stand up for myself. Every time I switched schools, the same things would occur. The boys would love me, and the girls would be jealous. As I got older and I slowly came out of my shyness, people's theories about me began to change. Great! I went from having to prove to people that I'm not this punk, naive, innocent girl to I'm not some kind of snob that walks around thinking she's the shit. Now a days, people assume either about me or both. Most of the people who assume those things are always wrong and when they get to know me, are in shock. I'm a cool, humble, and tough chick.

Why do people have these assumptions about light-skinned girls? That's a million dollar question that you would have to ask the person that's in charge of judging. As far as other women thinking that we think we are better or "most-preferred" I blame that on the dark skinned man. How often do you see a dark skinned man and a dark skinned girl together? Not often. And how often do you see a dark-skinned man and a light-skinned woman? Very often. I hear men; especially dark-skinned men talk about how they prefer a light-skinned girl or sometimes they dont even want a shorty to be black and light-skinned! You would think it was some type of secret that makes us more special than the other women. I hardly hear a guy talk profoundly about a dark-skinned girl. I never understood that. If there is a light-skinned cute girl standing next to a dark-skinned cute girl, majority of the time the guy chooses the light skin girl. I hate that. To me, its no difference. Beauty is beauty. This is why there's so much tension between the two complexions. Because certain men make it seem as though one is better than the other. If you want to go deeper, lets take it back to slavery, when the master used to rape the female slaves. The female slaves would get pregnant and have light-skin kids, causing issues between the two. It's not easy being light skin, and its not easy being dark-skin. We both face situations where we are forced to prove someone right or wrong. I don't know for certain. Im just theorizing here.

My looks are only a segment of who I am. Neither my complexion nor hair defines me. I define my physical appearance. There is so much more to my identity that just what is on the exterior. My personality, my intellect, my demeanor, those are the qualities that represent me. I'm strong and confident not because of how I look but because of my perception of life. The next time you see a light-skinned girl, do me a favor, and let her tell you who she is, don't try to figure it out.