This Is For Every Guy That Has Ever Been Awaken By Their Girl In The Middle Of The Night Being Asked, "Who The Fuck Is______?!" (Tips For Cheaters.)

I wonder, what goes threw ya guys head when we catch ya doing dumb shit???

Do you feel like all your organs are shutting down?

Do you just wanna crawl into a hole and die?

Or just disappear into the ground?

Well, ya dumb ass shouldn't have been cheating AND got caught doing it. Now ya girl left you, you sleeping on the couch, she started cheating on you back, and you done caused all type of problems in your life now. Never stress. Lazaguncarrier is here to give you some tips on how to flush the toilet (properly) after you've taken a shit. Oh by the way, this for the cheating women out there too...

---> Dont you DARE do your dirt on the same phone you most commonly use. You wanna cheat? Get a second phone, talk to your side piece before you go in the house say your goodnights or whatever, put that shit on silent, and hide it.

---> Don't brag to your boys about the scandalous shit you are doing BIG MOUTH. Keep that shit low key. You run ya mouth, someone might over hear you or ya boy might be a playa-hater and tell your girl. Smh.

--->Use a condom.

--->Let the other person know WHO they are and WHERE they stand! Let them know gently that there is someone far more important than them in your life. Trying to keep two hubbys and two wifeys is gonna screw you up in the end. Someone gots to go!

--->Dont cheat on your girl with the bitch in the neighborhood (the streets is watching), a co-worker (its embarrassing to yourself and your lady), her friends (needs no explanation), your homegirl (you tell ya gf thats just a friend but you fucking her. Great, now your a cheater and a liar.). You know what, just do your dirt out of the borough.

--->Delete any electronic evidence of your infidelity. Don't save it or back it up ANYWHERE.

--->Keep your patterns the same. Dont change up or do shit differently. Your partner notices. If you come home from work, dont take a shower, eat and hop ya funky ass in bed....then all of sudden you come home from "work", take a shower, and not even hungry for dinner just shows us that a.) you're wearing someone else scent and b.) you guys went out to eat before or after the events.

--->Don't treat your main girl shitty. It causes suspicion. Unless you planning on ending it with her and start a new relationship with the other chick.

--->Make sure the person you're cheating with is worth it. Because if you follow everything I just wrote up there and it still goes up in flames, be prepared to be alone or be with that bitch you was creeping with.

Notes from the author:

I do not condone cheating at all. My personal opinion: If the person you're involve with is not making you happy, work it out or LEAVE. Don't play games with anyones feelings. This is for the males and females out there. If you just wanna have fun or you're bored, there's other ways to find excitement. Yea, we shouldn't be going through ya shit BUT, we shouldn't find shit when we do go looking. We should feel stupid EVERYTIME we go threw ya shit. But if you are going to be infidel, cover up your tracks. Last but not least, if being with one person isn't suitable for you at this point in your life, don't get involved with anyone until you're ready.

Over. Out.

The Word "Sorry."

Is it me or is there something about the word "sorry" that makes you feel...submissive? Don't we feel "soft" after we say the words "I'm Sorry" to someone? I mean, I'm all about forgiveness and apologizing when I've done something wrong but saying the word sorry is not an option for me. "My fault, excuse me, pardon me, my mistake, I apologize" sounds so much better to say when it comes to the person who needs to apologize. Saying sorry makes you sound like a punk. Sorry, that's just my opinion. Because certain people you just cant say those words to. Once you say "I'm sorry" it makes some people think they are superior over you. They take that little ass sorry and try to run with it. Still hold a grudge then got the nerve to try to give you their ass to kiss. Fuck that, if that's that case I can take back my sorry and you can keep your forgiveness...life goes on!


What I find interesting is that we women, are the worst people to say sorry to. That's why guys hate saying sorry when they fuck up. Because we still walk around like we're mad with this attitude and we take too long to forgive them. Hence, pissing the guy off and then he's like "Fuck you! And I'm taking back my sorry!" But some of us women can't help how we are. But not me. When someone says the words sorry to me I appreciate it because I know how hard it is to mutter those five letters. I'll admit, there are times when I have been dead wrong and I don't apologize. Just because I'm wrong doesn't mean I feel sorry or apologetic about it. Maybe I did wrong on purpose. Or maybe...I do feel apologetic I just don't think the person deserves to hear an apology. That's just me. I don't say sorry If I don't feel like its applicable. You should never apologize if you don't feel sorry. And if you do feel sorry, in my opinion you shouldn't say the actual words because it tends to leave you wide open to get taken advantage of. Then again, it really depends why you are apologizing in the first place. If you slept with your husbands brother, bitch you better feel and say say sorry. Keeping your pride is the least of your worries in a situation such as that. But if you by accident step on someone's shoes (especially a stranger) just say, "excuse me, or my mistake." If you say sorry, that person is going to think your soft and tell you, "Now wipe it off!" If you're that punk, your probably gonna wipe it off. And if you think like me, you're gonna tell that person, "Fuck off." Which will most likely get you into a physical confrontation. But hey, at least you didn't go out like a punk. ;)

See the difference a five-letter word can make?

You're TOO F@#king Loud! (Broadcasting your business while on the telephone.)

So I was in the salon today getting my wash and set and as I was getting my hair setted, I hear this woman underneath the dryer talking on the phone. I know, ya'll probably thinking I was all up in her conversation being nosey but sadly that was not the case. She was so loud that I didn't even have to try to listen to her conversation because it was the only thing you heard over the music playing, the hair dryers, the crying babies and the chitter-chatter from the other beauticians. What's a shame is that the person who's talking loud on the phone is never talking about good news. Only loud about the short-comings in their life. Never loud about achievements or other accomplishments they SHOULD be loud and proud about. We dont ever hear people shout about getting a degree, a promotion, or owning their own home. It's always bad news. This loud mouth girl in the salon was talking about how her sons father doesn't give her money for his tuition towards school, just slandering the man. I mean, I dont care it aint my business but I shouldn't have to hear it. And no one else should either. Its tacky. I know when we are upset (especially us ladies) we tend to raise our volume and at times we can be so angry that we don't care how loud we are. And then there is some people in the world who are just naturally loud all the time. They can't help it.

What encouraged me to write this blog is for the big mouths who DO care who listens to their conversations and get mad when certain shit they say gets repeated. If your in public places talking shit about people, dont you think you should watch your volume? Not just because you dont want your information being repeated or put out there, but for the sake of others around you who don't give a fuck if your lights about to get cut off or if your neighbor slept with your husband. Im not just targeting women because ya men can be loud as well. No one wants to hear about the freak you had over last night or how fucked up you was at the party. The wrong places to be talking shit on the phone real loud are hair salons, nail salons, the clinic, a lobby that has intercoms, the store, a train cart, the bus, your neighborhood DMV, or any public venue for that matter.

In general, we should watch what we say on the phone, how loud we say it or how we speak in public period. You never know who's listening. It could be someone important like a potential boss or someone who wants to give you an opportunity of a lifetime. You think whoever that person is will be willing to give you a job or an opportunity if you're out in the street cursing talking about fuck niggas and ima beat this bitch up and so on and so forth? And even if there is no one important around, just be quiet, we strangers dont wanna hear your problems. We have our own. :)

The Definition of a Home-Wrecker. (My First Pre-Written Blog)

It's 3:49 am. You're laid up with your Hunny and ya'll are doing ________. (You fill in the blank.) Then the phone goes off and its not yours. At this point, if this is not the first time this has happened we can already assume who it is. It's either _______, _________, or _________. (Fill in the bitch name.) Who ever she is knows DAMN well its TOO fucking late to be hitting up your man. Not only does this chick blow up his phone, she is also that clingy co-worker who's always inviting him out somewhere as "friends". Or the classmate that always needs help with their "French", or the homegirl who is having troubles with her man and needs a "male" opinion. Just a bunch of bullshit. Excuses just to have a reason to deal with your man. Is it me or don't you feel like telling that co-worker "Hey, why don't you ask the other forty niggas you work with to come to the movies with you?", or telling that classmate "go get a fucking tutor!", or that homegirl "seek a couples counselor, he has his own relationship to worry about!" If you haven't grasped the idea already people, I'm describing to you a H-O-M-E-W-R-E-C-K-E-R. It's a person who tries to wreck your relationship, marriage, etc. so they can STEAL your partner. Home-wreckers can be male or female. They don't take days off. Blunt or discrete about their motives. They can be the Ex that refuses to go away, your neighbor, classmate, coworker, his friends, your friends. It doesn't matter if she or he has a boyfriend/girlfriend. Anyone who knows that the person is involved with someone else and still continues to pursue them is a home-wrecker.

From my observations, home-wreckers normally come in the female version. What I also discovered was that a female will try to steal your dude and "wife" it but the male version of a home-wrecker will steal your bitch just to have fun with her. (Why was Wiz Khalifa in my head as i wrote that last sentence? Shout-outs to Flightunion by the way.)

What annoys me is this: All the men and women in the ENTIRE world, why do you want someone elses??????????????? Are you THAT pathetic that you cant get your own? Or maybe you're just TOO whack? I mean lets thoroughly analyze this issue. Who do we blame here? Was it a happy home to began with? Or was it a home that was bound to get wrecked? If dude is happy with you and this bitch is just on his meat, you really gotta bring the bullet to the home-wrecker. But if your dude is giving shorty food for thought (stringing her along because he likes the attention) or he ain't letting her down rough enough, you might need to tap him on his head with the pistol. However, if the guy is putting it out there that he's miserable or that you dont matter, you really gotta shoot the both of them. :-/. Of course violence is not the answer. You can be a woman about it and just accept it. Look at Jennifer Aniston (Angelina Jolie stole Brad Pitt), Shar Jackson (Brittney Spears stole Kevin Federline) and Mashonda (Alicia Keys stole Swizz Beats). It happens to the best of us.

Note from the Author: On average, it takes me no longer than 15 minutes to write and publish a blog (including proof reading) and are written off the top of my head. This blog was pre-written on a piece of paper towel and was highly anticipated. It took me almost an hour to write this.

Nice Guys Finish Last. (Something for the Fellas.)

Time to shine some light on the nice guys out there. Ya'll are few and far between but I know you exist. What's sad is that the few that remain are a part of a dying breed. Many nice men think that being kind gets them no where but alone and played. And I can see why. Not on purpose (I dont think) but females tend to go for the not-so-nice-guy. The reason for that is...well I can't really say there could be numerous reasons why. But majority of the time the bad guy goes around acting like he's the nice guy so we often fall for it. I hear nice guys say all the time, "ya girls dont want a nice guy, ya want a guy that treats you bad and disrespects you!" I strongly disagree with that statement. Half the time ya'll nice guys come around and it's too late. We've already been fucked over by the guy pretending to be nice. Or we are already involved with that not-so-nice-guy.

What it really is about is PRESENTATION and ATTITUDE. I'm about to say something really fucked up but I don't care it's the truth. Ladies don't want a guy who comes off nice. Not saying you can't be nice, just not look like your nice. Women often fall for the sweet-talking, charming, well dressed, confident guy. And lets face it. Majority of the time these type of men tend to have a lot of bullshit with them. Of course, that's not what automatically comes to our minds. But in the same respect, there is something so captivating about a guy that we SHOULDN'T fuck with but we proceed to anyway.

Now for the nice dudes out there. Im not saying you should change the way you are or that there's something wrong with the way you are now. Any potential girlfriend should accept you for the person you are. However, its always room for improvement. Just take a step back, look at yourself, and ask this question, "What can I do to make me even better?" If it means being a little more aggressive, changing up your style a bit, or bringing up ya confidence level a few notches, no harm can come from that. A little bit goes a long way. ;).

Bro's before Hoes...Chicks before Dicks? (My UN-Censored Thoughts)

As I get older, I would like to think that I become smarter as well. I learn from every disappointment and I grow from every achievement. But most importantly, I believe I learn the best from my friends or at least people who I think are my friends. My male friends have taught me that no matter what, women come second to everything...(money, homies, reputation etc.). The only woman that doesn't apply is mom dukes (sometimes). With females, I've learned that its the other way around. A chick will pick dick over their best friend in a nano-second. The power of the "cocky" is STRONG. The guy can be as shitty as the bowels that fall from my ass, just as flaky as the dandruff from my scalp, and just as dirty as a NYC bum. And still, a woman will love that filthy man through thick and thick.

Females, why we triflan like that? Why do we pick a nigga over our own sisters? A no good nigga at that? Males are convinced and they KNOW that females come and go. So why don't we treat niggas like trains and buses on a 15 min schedule on a Monday morning? A chick will cut her friend off for some bullshit and could be with a guy who does 9 times as worst things to her and still talk about the dude with a smile on her face. You stay with a nigga that treats you bad that's your business but don't be proud about that shit. I've witnessed bitches stop talking to their best friend over foolery and NEVER speak to them again. But the nigga in her life who constantly fucks up ALL the time gets back in the door, NO PROBLEM! Not even a make-up gift. SMH.

Much respect to ya'll dudes. Don't no female stop ya'll from chillin with ya homies, smoking that spliff, taking that shot, catching ya dubs, or getting some other coochie. Your girl needs to pay rent and ya'll front like ya aint got it and go to the club and pop bottles in your brand new outfit.

Ladies, I'm disappointed in ya'll. Ya'll dumbasses wont go to a club if that nigga say don't go, ya'll wont hang out with ya girls if he say you cant, ya'll wont getcha nails done cus HE needs some money, and ya wont even take a "good" guys number because you fuck with the "bad" guy. Shame.

Ladies can bond together by the simple things...(wash n sets, tv shoes, magazines, and shopping) yet we are easily divided by something so common and indifferent...DICK!

My Completed Tat. (Finally)

So after over a year, I finally completed my first tattoo. Yayyyy me. :). My first tat didn't hurt at all. I sat and listened to WBLS while my tat artist did his thing. Shout outs to Rae a.k.a Illtastic Ink.

I thought my second time around things would be BREEZY. Flightunion accompanied me along with Grandpa (Tristan) and what only was two hours felt like FOREVER! That shit hurt like hell. Enough chatting, here's some pics...

Significance: I'm a former dancer (thats why its on my leg) and my personal relationship to music.